A FORMER Kilmarnock FC player has opened up about his battle with addiction.
Andy McLaren, who also played for Dundee United and Reading, spoke about his journey through drink and drugs and how he rebuilt his life, including earning a cap for Scotland.
He shared his story on Listen UP, an addiction recovery podcast by Abbeycare, one of the UK’s leading residential rehabilitation centres.
Andy said: "The magic [was] getting out of your own head, trying to escape.
"Back then, there were a million things going on in it.
"I didn’t have any coping mechanisms or anything like that.
"The only coping mechanism I had was drinking, or taking a line, or an ecstasy or whatever."
Despite winning the Scottish Cup with Dundee United at age 20, his addiction deepened over time.
In January 2000, while playing for Reading, he failed a drugs test.
Following the disciplinary hearing, Mr McLaren reached a breaking point and considered suicide at a train station.
He said: "I thought: I’m going right in front of the train here.
"That’s the best solution.
"In my head, I’m a pest to everybody, and they’d all be better off without me."
He now describes the failed drugs test as a turning point in his life.
He added: "I hated what I was doing to people that I said I loved.
"I’d tell you that I’d kill for my weans and I’d kill for my wife, but I couldn’t put a drink down for them and I couldn’t stop shoving stuff up my nose."
Rehab and Alcoholics Anonymous helped him begin recovery, and he credits therapy as a major factor in his turnaround.
He later resumed his football career with Kilmarnock and in April 2001 earned an international cap.
Eddie Clarke, outreach manager at Abbeycare and host of Listen UP, said: "Andy’s story highlights how even when someone appears to be at the top of their game, they can be in the grip of an unaddressed and unchecked addiction."
Share